If I talked to my Parents like some of these Kids Do…

I came across a page on Facebook about children who talk back to their parents. On the page parents and kids alike have posted comments. While some comments make sense, the others show some sort of discipline that is as bad as talking back.

A lot are appalled by how the kids respond and the things they say and the funniest is when people blame it on media or video games.

Wake up people: this is the parents fault! TV, magazines and video games do not raise kids, parents do!

Why the kids act like they are totally out of control? It is because their parents don’t set the limits. Limits are the key. Beating or spanking won’t make a difference, discipline will: every action will have consequence.

If you start this with a child early on, a threat will be enough. Teach respect you will get respect.

From what I see, parents try to give to children everything whenever they want and feel guilty if they don’t (perhaps to compensate the time they don’t spend with them). If they say no, the child will throw a tantrum and parents will give in eventually. What do you think this will teach a child? The tantrum will turn into cursing later on, the child will learn to consider all he/she asks as their due and won’t learn the value of things or the least bit of respect.

I think parents overlooked the power of a “No” and maintaining it, even of giving it consequences if defied.

Being a parent is a tough job, a lot take it lightly and expect the child to know right from wrong on their own. That won’t happen. A child is ignorant and needs to be taught by theory and examples and no one sets a better example than the parents themselves.

I might not be a parent, but I am around a lot of kids as nieces and nephews. I have tutored kids and my current pupils are two sisters who are a teen and pre-teen: this is what people might call a critical age, but guess what? The second one of them talks back, not only she gets in trouble with me but also with her mother.

I had a pupil who tried to talk back and the second he did he regretted it for the rest of his life. Every child at some point will try to talk back. It is a matter of self affirmation. Spanking might work for a nine year old but you think it will teach anything to a teen? They will just learn to hit back.

The first time you let one thing slide it will soon develop into a pattern. As ugly as it sounds we all respond to conditioning. The first conditioning starts with parents, goes on with school and continues throughout life with law.

It all follows the same pattern: skip discipline with a child once and the behavior will be repeated, do not apply law with an adult and they will think they can get away with the same thing again. Living in Lebanon will give you enough examples about the latter.

So no, spanking or hitting is not what makes the kids respond, being a new school parent might not be the answer either. A child needs guidance and rules, most of all everyone should remember that what works for a child might not work for the other. Each is an individual with a different temper and different reactions.

I quote from the page: “I got my butt whipped every day with a peach tree limb whether I needed it or not. I knew better than to sass my parents at all times.”

What will that teach a child? Fear? It sure won’t teach respect!

In my humble opinion, that is the same thing as letting a child get away with everything, it will not teach them that there is a consequence specific to each act. It makes it easy to do as they please since they are getting beat up no matter what.

Let us not forget that encouragement of good behavior can go a long way with some and spanking might make them do quite the opposite. I have seen it happen.

Discipline, treating a child as their own individual, monitoring their moves and communicating (when possible, because let us face it we all cut the lines at some point during teen years) are the keys.

Parenting is more than a full time job, it is shaping a life and printing it with everything needed to face the world.

My Fellow Citizens

What amused me the most lately is a group on Facebook made by Lebanese people in response to Oprah saying that Lebanon is conservative.

My fellow citizens were shaken upside down and stirred inside out over that “offensive” statement and showed how civil they are by screaming their outrage adorned with insults.

All to prove that Lebanon is not conservative!

I wonder when will we stop making ourselves a joke! I think I can safely say that the Lebanese are the most schizophrenic society I have ever seen.

They try to prove that they are liberal to the West and that they are conservative to the East.

First things first, what does conservative mean?

According to dictionary.com (along with other meanings that are not relevant to the subject):

con⋅serv⋅a⋅tive [kuhn-sur-vuh-tiv]

–adjective

1. Disposed to preserve existing conditions, institutions, etc., or to restore traditional ones, and to limit change.

2. Cautiously moderate or purposefully low: a conservative estimate.

3. Traditional in style or manner; avoiding novelty or showiness: conservative suit.

I don’t see how this is offensive, since it is mainly true. My dear fellow citizens conservative does not only apply to dress code or drinking, not even to nightlife.

The funniest part was that all the outraged people went to brag about partying and clubs and the women’s skimpy dress code.

There was even a woman telling that the Lebanese women are the most liberated in the world.

I just wanted to ask how are we that way since there are some basic rights that we don’t even have? Being liberated does not mean you can go out and party wearing a short skirt and then go next day to work dressed in designer clothes!

Being liberated is having the right of custody of your children over your in-laws in case your husband dies.

Being liberated is having the right to travel without your husband’s permission.

Being liberated is having the right to make your own decisions and not have them influenced by family or society.

Being liberated does not mean that marriage is a set goal in a woman’s life, but it is the right to fulfill herself the way she wants or see it fit.

Being liberated is to have the right to move out because you want to not because you are getting married, or else you will be frowned upon and people will assume you have issues with your family.

Being liberated is having the highest quota of female representatives in political life (which we don’t).

That to name a few things.

We brag about a history we are making obsolete by keeping it a present. How are we not conservative when we keep a social stratification and a system of screaming feudalism, disguised as a democracy? When did a democracy have titles like Beik or Sheikh or Emir? In what democracy ministers have nobility titles and deputies are treated like kings?

How are we liberal when we refuse to see when someone dares to think outside of the box and has a different set of ideas and ideals and the best we can do is call treason upon them?

Again my fellow citizens, let me remind you that when Nancy Ajram’s first video (Akhasmak Ah) was aired, everyone called outrage at it. Let us also not forget Elissa’s bed sheet and how much controversy it caused.

And the list extends…

Last but not least I prefer the label of conservatism over some other labels we had over the years, including Lebanon being among the places to export the best drugs or a terrorist country (weird how  these did not get some 36000 Lebanese people outraged) and many other reputations I am not proud of!

Yes there are misconceptions about Lebanon, but what did we do to change them? Nothing, we just got caught up in our schizophrenic society and just get all flustered over trivialities.

And my fellow citizens, I have met a lot of Americans and Europeans who had a great idea about Lebanon.  Did we work on making it even better?

One of those images is that the Lebanese women are among the most beautiful women in the world, yet what do Lebanese women do? They try to make themselves look like playmates or at least have a Caucasian look.

The other was that Lebanon is a very beautiful country, yet we work on disfiguring it by building in every corner, killing forests and which is a more personal level: we litter!

The outrage is not caused because we are called conservative, but I think it is caused because we are like those kids in high schools who work hard on being accepted in popular circles. We have a whole population who wants to be labeled as cool.

I wonder when will be out of our teen minds and mature only to accept who we are with our flaws, then try to work on making them better.

But what can I expect from a country that never learns from its own history and that has no social memory, so it keeps repeating the same mistakes.

The pictures were taken by my friend Glenn, during his visit to Lebanon.

Baalbeck – Lebanon

Jezzine – Lebanon

Beirut – Lebanon

Anti-Cellulite Tights

Cellulite…

The worst enemy that female hormones tend to create whether a woman is skinny or large, it makes no difference, the cellulite will settle sometime in the  adult life. It seems that now though there is an effective way to remove them doing nothing: yep, absolutely nothing. You just have to wear tights for six hours for thirty days.

They are called Scala tights by John Lewis, they exist in leggings and opaque pantyhose, so we have a choice.

They are recently out, as the article says. I don’t know if they available worldwide, I never heard of them up until today really.

The price is even cheaper than a regular anti- cellulite cream and lasts longer. The price mentioned is 15£ which translates into 24.57$. Not bad at all!

Not to mention that opaque pantyhose and leggings are in style and not very pricey, so it is a win-win situation.

If the thing does not end up working, you would have gained a pair of clothes you can wear for a couple of coming years. But to believe the article writer who tried the new miracle, they do work…

Remains to be seen!

Colored Winter – Trends

I cannot imagine the fashion faux-pas I am going to see this winter; with sequins, animal prints, fur, leather, studs and lamé along with the not so fashionable eighties fashion, I am shuddering already.

So let us bring out a few tips here:

Play it sober. Meaning: don’t mix all the above named material. So a look of gold leggings, with a sequined top, a fur jacket and leopard print studded bag and shoes is not the height of fashion, it is plain fashion crime.

Although a total look of black for example with gold, silver or even sequined leggings is glam’.

Leather and studs smartly used can give a nice rock n’ roll style: a  total leather look might seem cool on a teen or a rock star, but it is ridiculous if worn to work or even for a night out. So if you are a fan of the material, don’t wear leather leggings, tunic and jacket then add the studs to one or more garments of the outfit.

Yet if you wear the jacket and the leggings add an airy material to soften the ensemble: cotton, microfiber and sometimes silk are good examples. Avoid shiny fabrics, leather is spectacular in itself. Sober shoes and bag are also recommended, some studs can de-dramatize the appearance.

The total animal print is a no-no, but do add it in small touches to your outfit and you guarantee the wild yet elegant look. Shoes, bag or even other accessories like a scarf or a bracelet are suggested.

A great faux- pas: Thigh high boots with animal print leggings, unless you want to give the impression of charging by the hour.

The total sequined look is not glamorous: it makes you look like a disco ball. So the sequins like the lamé, to be added on a sober look.

So if you are wearing a sequined dress the rest of your outfit should be low-profile, you can even cut on the accessories use. So no big earrings or metallic bracelets and of course necklaces are out of the question. Patent leather is to be banned too, although the right belt could add some oomph.

It is imposed to mention that cleverly mixing a couple of these trends can be outstanding if worn with the right clothes. For example an animal print fur coat is fashionable addition to a classic outfit.

A touch of fur on a riveted leather jacket can soften its effect.

Studs with animal print shoes and bag look phenomenal with a serious black dress. The little black dress is back with full force, it can be put to use with a lot of these trends.

Several ideas are given in this slide show about Jimmy Choo’s collection for H&M:

http://www.sofeminine.co.uk/fashion-shopping/jimmy-choo-highstreet-d8729.html

For eighties look, follow the link, although the descriptions are in French but the images of the slideshow give a sufficient idea:

http://www.aufeminin.com/mode-fashion/mode-annees-80-tendances-eighties-vetement-fashion-80-d8693.html

The way I see trends is that they are there to add style to a look that can be a little dull. A trend is not something we turn into a full outfit if we are to stay in the realm of elegance.

The key to success in accomplishing a stylish look is balance and good judgment, let us hope we will have a lot of those, for all that works for a model does not necessarily work for everyday’s life…

Feminism

I have always been a supporter of women’s rights, especially since living in a double standard patriarchal society: A hybrid society without a clear identity as to who it is.

Lately though I think the world has brought feminism to an extreme, while stripping the woman from her identity on the other hand.

While we see those who claim that marriage and changing their name to carry the one of the husband is a form of slavery, miss that women are being made more and more similar to men. Isn’t that a loss of identity or actually a form of slavery?

I want men and women to be similar? NO. I want them to have equal rights? YES.

We are different genders, we have our own individuality, why do we want to mix it up? Nature made those differences for definite reasons and each time I looked into it I think nature has been the one that has done the better job.

I don’t know how carrying someone’s last name or marrying them is slavery. Sorry, but I don’t see it. I am not one of those girls who have always dreamed of white weddings and marriages. Actually I hate weddings and to me marriage is a result not an end.

Where I am, a woman gets to keep her last name (part of the hybrid weird society I live in) and on her ID card you get to see the status of married and the name of the husband mentioned. Yet women get to be called by their husbands’ names and they are the first to do it, not out of conviction but to emphasize the fact that they entered the privileged state of a married woman. I know that this is due to the fact that girls are taught that marriage is an end in their lives, since they are very little girls.

This is the reverse side of the feminism, the other extreme: teaching women that they cannot be of consequence if not attached to a man.

I think we need a balanced point of view somehow, someone who can call the world to its senses.

Feminists(maybe should I say extreme ones) insist that women should be treated like men, they denigrate the “sexy” dress-code and are extremely happy in the shapeless clothes.

I am not saying a woman should look like a walking male fantasy under the pretence that she is dressing to be attractive, but I don’t want to mistake her for a guy either.

Women should look like women and men like men. Our appearance is part of who we are and I don’t know why it should be dictated by anyone. I know we also dress to reflect a certain image, but it would be nice if we reflect the image we really have of ourselves, not the one we want people to have of us.

I don’t like to be treated like a man either. I am not a man: I like having the door held for me, I like the gentlemanly behavior, I like when I am given a certain special treatment because I am a woman, etc etc…

What I don’t want though is not to have the same rights. Starting the rights to fulfill myself and be what I want to be or who I am.

I don’t see why a woman should be seen as a loser if she got married in certain circles and if unmarried in others. I don’t see why a woman should be given a harder time to get promoted and why people would whisper behind her back if she did faster than a man. And the list extends to other cases I cannot mention exhaustively.

Women do have brains, ones that function in a different way, but that does not make them less smart. A man is not smarter just because he is a man.

Somehow women have contributed to the contradictions we are facing, they made the mistake of not realizing that they are just as worthy as men without being ones.

I don’t know if we will ever reach the maturity to judge people as individuals despite their genders, to embrace the differences between them and not consider them as handicaps.

I hope we don’t get to live in a world where the distinction between men and women is impossible, because they both lost their uniqueness. To cut a long story short I hope we won’t have de-feminized women and de-masculinized men.

*Images copyright in this post are property of their rightful owner.

Charme

I have fallen for the “Charme”. No it is not a typo, it is “Charme” with an “e”. That makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

Again I am brought to commit the deadly sins of “greed” and “lust” by this gentleman.

It happened last winter and it happens again today.

So what is the “Charme”? It is a pair of short boots by Christian Louboutin. I don’t know what it is about this camel leather paired with leopard print shoes that appealed so much to me.

Same as that low boots with rivets I fell in love with last winter. But since “Charme” costs the very convenient price of 975$, and since I am no rich heiress or a star so Mr. Louboutin will graciously offer it to me as a gift,  I think I am on a quest to get a similar model like I did with that other one.

I managed to get something in the same line for ten times less and I actually was very happy about it.

The funniest part is I am not usually one of those shoes obsessed women who have to buy them impulsively. Then again I suppose we all have moments of weakness for some things we get really attracted to, even boots.

Maybe it all comes down to something deeper that appeals to us, a way of expression that we find in that item.

Charme Boots – Christian Louboutin

I am sure that all of us have at least once fallen in love with an object so much we had to have it or at least have the more attainable version of it.

Therefore maybe after all it is not lust or greed, it is just the human nature with its cravings and desires, especially as long as it does not annoy or harm anyone.

I think my quest to find my version of “Charme” begins today, so we will see where it leads me…

Food and Cooking

There is something about cooking that relieves me. Maybe it is all that cutting and slicing that chops away your worries.

Maybe it is the fact that I craft something from scratch that gives a sense of accomplishment and creativity.

It seems that I follow the Japanese philosophy in food: the eye has to be satiated too. I need for the dishes I cook to look pretty.

Actually when I think of it, I would not eat something that does not look pretty!

It has to be a full senses experience for me whether I am cooking or eating. It has to have an attractive look, an alluring aroma and most importantly it has to taste good.

There is also something very rewarding about people eating what you cooked and liking it. I don’t know if it is the idea of sharing or giving a slice of the pleasure you have when preparing to them that gives you this fulfillment.

I have to admit that I enjoy cooking more if it is shared and it is even more pleasurable when people like what they are eating, and when that dish’s shape and smell appeals to them.

When I first started discovering my inclination for cooking, it used to be a more selfish thing. I would cook for just myself to eat. Then when my family members started getting lured by the smell or the colorful salads, I unconsciously started making bigger portions.

My first dish I think was a tomato soup, I was bored and I was hungry. I think I was fifteen and the soup was inspired by a courgettes’ dish my mom makes. I used to love the sauce of it and I adapted it to make it a soup.

Actually it was not very complicated, it consisted of boiling the tomatoes with water, then adding salt, pepper and a little dried mint. I loved the taste of those juicy, mushy tomatoes with the dried mint’s edge.

My second dish was a pasta recipe I got from a Barilla carton (you can find the recipe here). I still make this one, it makes a great summer dish for it is eaten cold and is very easy to prepare. I memorized the recipe and then I wrote it later on to keep it in my personal recipe book, which has increased to become a total of two big box  files, one cooking book and two magazines specials about cooking.

Since then I started making more stuff, bringing recipes and making adaptations to personalize them. I also learned how to associate tastes and how to replace some ingredients with others. Although my cooking activity has decreased a bit since I don’t cook for just myself, but I have contracted the habit of taking pictures of the dishes I make.

I also developed a passion along the years for pasta in the first place and salads in second. They have become somehow my specialty, although I am getting attracted recently by more complicated and international foods.

It came a bit handy in 2006, when we decided to open a summer café-restaurant in our hometown. Although the project was more or less choked by the war that swept over Lebanon that summer, we managed to open for a while and we managed to have a small clientele who got attracted by the cooking.

We offered a variety of dishes some were Lebanese and we offered pasta and salads. My mom took charge of the Lebanese food part and I obviously took charge of the other part.

My mom is an amazing cook. I compare her cooking to wine, I always tell her that it gets better with age. I think I have taken a little after her, since she has always made a point that what you are going to eat has to look good.

I believe  my most rewarding moment was when a pasta lover offered compliments to the chef about the Tagliatelle and asparagus dish I make.

I mean it is always a pleasure to hear your friends and family telling you how good a dish is, but there is something more special when someone you don’t know asking about who cooked this and then telling you it is one of the best pastas he ever tried, and he is one to try pasta wherever he goes.

I admit that this dish is very popular among everyone I know, even my nit-picky uncle said it reminded him of Italy.

The best is that it is a recipe I took from a pasta special book my friend’s mom owns. It is not fancy or hard to make, it takes hardly thirty minutes to prepare, but the result is amazing.

Weird how food takes a great part of our lives without us even noticing it! We eat at least three times a day, we crave desserts, we socialize over food and we even do business over meals. If we think of it a lot of our communications happen over a type of food.

No wonder that public relations specialists have noticed the importance of a meal and use it in their line of work. No wonder also that my public relations professor in university made a whole lesson about food and the links it creates.

Maybe it is the fact of sharing a vital thing with another human being that opens routes of communications that would have stayed closed otherwise.

*Images copyright in this post are property of their rightful owner.

About Money

“Money, money, money… it’s a rich man’s world” so says the Abba’s song.

Was the world always ruled by money or we just let it happen recently?

I work in finance, and I always say people will forgive you if you waste their lives but won’t forgive you if you waste their money.

In a consumer’s world money has become capital (pun more or less intended). People are more or less valued by what they own rather by who they are, everyone wants to own better and more expensive things. From cars to condos, cell phones and computers to clothes and shoes, we have also become ruled by labels: “my bag is a Louis Vuitton”, “my lipstick is Dior”, “my perfume is Chanel”,” my sunglasses are D&G”, “my clothes are Armani” and “I am…???”.

I think we forgot how to be ourselves even in what we wear. There are even imitations of all the brands for the less fortunate. You can find them here and there at ridiculously small prices, only to give an image of wealth.

A man is being defined by: “I own” not by “I am” from now on. We are what we own, we are downsized into a bunch of objects, reduced to a material outlook like we are a merchandise exhibited in a store’s window.

Those advertising campaigns with live models in the window have touched a deeper point than we thought, I believe. Humans have become a mere display of a social status.

In a modern society that has fought hard to abolish classes it is kind of pathetic and ridiculous as well.

I think that the possibility to live in a society that is not stratified is mere utopia.

I wonder if we should relate it all to the animal that the human is, and the need to show who is stronger, all for the primitive need to mate.

About Random Impressions

It is amazing how the simpler things can make drastic improvements to our moods. Simple things like a much craved for cup of coffee or an unexpected compliment.

I started this blog as just a way to put down on paper things that are on my mind, and I am pretty amazed by the positive feedback I got from friends, people I barely know and even from people I have never met.

Writing has always been a pleasure to me and somehow it is very rewarding to see that people enjoy what I write. It is the same feeling you get from cooking something and having people pleased with it.

Weird how cooking has never come up on my blog yet, since it is something I enjoy doing very much. Especially since I have dedicated my flickr account for pictures of food I made.

Also something very surprising about the blog is that my fashion entries are pretty popular. My last one has been at the top of the stats as most read or at least clicked.

I suppose nothing ends up being the way we expect it.

In the meantime I will just enjoy the rest of my much craved for coffee and enjoy my good mood while it lasts.

Simple Creatures

Lately it seems that the guys’ point of view about relationships and how women perceive men is prevailing in media.

From movies like “He’s Just Not That Into You” to the “Ugly Truth” to articles like this one:

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlecosmomatch.aspx?cp-documentid=21429009&GT1=32023

I admit this article is hilarious, but it honestly says the same thing as those movies: “guys are simple creatures”.

I also have a friend who keeps repeating that same sentence.

If men were simple creatures how that popular saying in my country has taken life: “Lying is a man’s attribute and shame on the one who is honest”.

No, I am not kidding it is a popular proverb in Lebanon, ask anyone.

If you are simple you don’t tell lies. So I will call this exhibit A.

One other thing I always wondered about is that how can a guy dump a girl he is engaged to for the reason that he is not ready to commit, yet you find him married to another in a couple of months tops… How could you have gotten over your commitment phobia in such haste?

It did happen to people I know!

I don’t know if I should give an explanation to this one, because it is obvious kind of; but here I will blurt it out, we have 2 options here:

1- He was cheating.

2- He has serious split personality issues.

And since we know that the split personality is now considered a non existent case, so we know what we are left with.

This will be my exhibit B.

Do you see a pattern here?

More so, men categorize women, and please don’t think we don’t know!

There is the fun type, the nice girl type, the uptight type, the party girl type, the girlfriend type, the just for sex type, the wife type… and the list extends.

I am sure some will try to narrow it down to two or three types but this is just not how it is.

You can tell this is my exhibit C.

Men have thoughts… That alone denies the simple creature theory. Orangutans are simple: they eat, sleep, mate, fight and die. Unless you are a more humanized version of the Orangutan then you cannot claim to be a simple creature.

I am sure that those types exist, but it would be cruel to generalize, I know some really nice men out there.

This would be my exhibit D.

I think men and women want the same thing in the end: companionship. Sometimes people meet each other at stages where they want a different kind of companionship and then there is the lack of communication and it all creates complications.

Without denying that there are egotistical people on both sides, ones who just think of only themselves.

Let us not forget that both parties have thoughts of their own and there is a big chance that these thoughts do not concord a lot of the time; and with the fact that people try to please each other when they first meet, they somehow try to make the points of views more or less similar, so it makes them fall in a vicious cycle, one where their partner ends up telling them they changed.

Honesty might be the best policy, but humans did not probably escape the rules of the animal kingdom where males and females play the seduction game, to get the best mate in their eyes, so all goes. Only in the human case there is an added value, which can be a setback too and a source of complications: conscious thought.

So any creature with consciousness cannot be simple, so I believe this would be my exhibit E and I can safely say: I rest my case.

*Images copyright in this post are property of their rightful owner.